For One Day Only

A cut above the rest. Better than anyone else. Understanding what's best and doing it.

I wish for once I had a good idea of the decisions I should make. I can't ask what I want. I can't do what I need to. I'm afraid of confronting what should be dealt with. And not doing so breaks up the continuity of my sanity. Dwelling on something for so long I can't seem to realize how significant they become. How incredibly difficult they are to finally resolve. Only to be put off.

Last pasta dinner for the year was tonight. I'm so glad cause I've definitely been burnt out. Cooking's great and all, but not when I don't have enough time. I never have enough time. Even on a Saturday, I'm running between grocery stores, the farmer's market. A 2 hour session on the beach with stressbusters... and 30 backrubs later, cook nonstop basically for 3 hours. My feet want to fall off. I'm dehydrated. I have to race in a few hours.

And for what? Is it to prove a certain pain or responsibility tolerance. Life doesn't have to be as elaborate as it is now. Why go for the best possible, or the best that we can manage. The best that I can manage. What am I proving, who am I trying to impress? Nothing work, I need to stop being so selfish.

There's more to be attained, there are greater things than just one race.. or 10. I hope. I really hope, cause I don't know what all my energy's working for right now otherwise.